confession sunday (on a saturday): a prayer

15 Dec

i’m beyond devastated at the news out of newtown, CT.  my heart hurts so badly i almost can’t stand it, and i’ve spent a good part of the last two days crying.  i fell asleep snuggled close to Em last night, letting myself feel safe and calm in her bed.  the Clackamas mall shooting hit very close to home, physically, and this now has hit very close to home for me emotionally.  i can’t help but imagine Em there – my sweet little gal that loves school so much, and has such a pure heart.  i can’t even comprehend the devastation of those families.

i also have a good amount of anger, both at the shooter(s) and at the fact that this keeps happening in America.  i don’t like being so angry.  i don’t think it’s helpful or productive, though i know it’s part of the grieving process.  and in times of grief and crisis, i often turn to prayer.  i don’t talk about my faith on my blog much – it’s a sewing blog, it exists to share the pretty and creative parts of my life.  i don’t talk about my faith much in real life either, frankly.  but today i wanted to share this prayer, which is a song i know from childhood.  it’s based on the prayer of st. francis and it speaks to my heart.  no matter your faith (or lack thereof), i hope you can interpret these words in a way that bring you peace and help you move forward as they’re currently helping me.

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring your love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,
And where there’s doubt, true faith in you.

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there’s despair in life, let me bring hope.
Where there is darkness only light,
And where there’s sadness ever joy.

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul. 

Make me a channel of your peace.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
In giving of ourselves that we receive,
And in dying that we’re born to eternal life.

i will resume regular blogging sometime this week as i feel up to it.  we are postponing our film petit post by a few days, and it will be a fun one.  happy, positive, lovely things are all around us, it’s the holiday season, and life goes on.  but i couldn’t let this horrific event pass without you knowing it has hurt my heart so deeply and that what follows on this blog will be posted in an attempt to raise spirits, share joy, bring smiles, and give peace.  as always.

take care.

34 Responses to “confession sunday (on a saturday): a prayer”

  1. gail December 15, 2012 at 4:41 pm #

    thanks, kristin. right there with you. xo

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

      hugs to you, gail.

  2. Stef December 15, 2012 at 5:34 pm #

    beautiful Kristin.

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

      thanks stef. hope you’re doing okay.

  3. Celina December 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm #

    Lovely post! Thank you. I haven’t stopped crying too… This one hit close to home, emotionally as you said, for some reason- maybe because we have kids that age, but it’s more than that, I just can’t seem to express what though. Let’s keep those good spirits up… Our families need and so do theirs.

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

      i think it broke some kind of barrier – shattered a feeling of safety that we had when our kids are away from us at school. that an adult would choose to do this to kids, so many kids, on purpose…it’s pure evil. it’s impossible to fathom.

  4. Sally December 15, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    Thank you Kristin. Sometimes tears are the healing ointment we need. Hope so. Hugs.

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm #

      thanks so much, sally. hugs to you too.

  5. erin December 16, 2012 at 4:12 am #

    Beautifully said. It’s just unimaginable what these families are going through.

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

      my heart can’t take even thinking about it – just awful.

  6. Cindy December 16, 2012 at 4:41 am #

    Well said, Kristen.

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

      thanks, cindy. take care.

  7. Rachel December 16, 2012 at 5:10 am #

    It makes me frustrated that these things continue to happen and nothing is being done about it.

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:39 pm #

      i agree completely. i’ve had MORE than enough of this. i’m fed up and i’m so ready to do something about it. i really hope this is the final straw to finally make some change in this country. we have lots of room for improvement on many different contributing factors. it’s long overdue.

  8. Delia December 16, 2012 at 9:24 am #


    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

      hugs to you too, delia.

  9. Rachel December 16, 2012 at 11:50 am #

    We have been so sad here too. It’s absolutely devastating. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. (((((Hugs)))))

    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

      it is. i think it hit everyone straight in the gut. take care and hugs to you and your family too, rachel.

  10. nestedinstitches December 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm #


    • kristin December 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

      love to you and yours, robin.

  11. girllikethesea December 16, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    The tragedy brought the same feelings for me. Devastation, crying, anger. I started praying and found myself getting angry with god for not stopping this from happening. Some things are just too awful to dwell on, or look directly in the face.

    • kristin December 17, 2012 at 12:50 am #

      i agree, tara. let’s all work together to make sure this never happens again.

  12. kelsy December 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

    What a beautiful, heartfelt post. Thank you for having the courage to share. xo, Kelsy

    • kristin December 17, 2012 at 12:51 am #

      thanks for reading, kelsy. it’s hard to share these deep feelings, but i needed to.

  13. indywriter December 16, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

    This has weighed heavily on my heart. My youngest is 7, the age of many of the victims. I don’t want to let her out of my sight.

    I find myself weeping one moment, then forgetting for a while. When I remember, I instantly feel guilty, thinking of all those families that don’t have that luxury. Why was it there and not where I live? Why am I so lucky to be able to hold and kiss my sweet girls, when other parents are planning a funeral? How can I tell my kids they are safe at school, when I can’t believe it anymore myself?

    How will God make good come from this? I find the lyrics to a Steven Curtis Chapman song stuck in my mind : Out of these ashes, Beauty will rise, We will dance among the ruins, We will see it with our own eyes. Out of these ashes, Beauty will rise. For we know joy is coming, In the morning.

    • kristin December 17, 2012 at 12:53 am #

      i feel the same way about my school-aged little gal, and i have the same topsy turvy emotional state. thank you for those beautiful song lyrics, too…hope is what we all cling to right now i think!

  14. Cherie December 16, 2012 at 11:24 pm #

    Beautifully written, Kristin. You know that I’m right there with you (except for the God part ;))

    • kristin December 17, 2012 at 1:00 am #

      thanks, cherie. now a little while later i’m surprised at myself for even posting the God part – i’m soooo not usually like that with the religious stuff. but i just can’t help but pray when my heart is broken and my mind is reeling. too ingrained in me i guess. ;)

  15. Jill December 17, 2012 at 12:19 am #

    Thanks for posting this. I have had such an emotional weekend, trying to process this, and not being able to comprehend something so horrific. I just want to hug my kids. Newtown is such a beautiful little place. During my New York years, my husband and I spent many holidays there and never in a million years could I have pictured something like this happening there (although it is unimaginable anywhere). My heart hurts for those families.

    • kristin December 17, 2012 at 1:02 am #

      from everything i’ve seen, it looks like a beautiful town indeed – a great place to raise kids! maybe that’s what makes it hit home all the more. it really could’ve happened anywhere. take care, jill, keep hugging those kids. they love it, i’m sure! :)

  16. anna December 17, 2012 at 9:06 am #

    this is a lovely post kristin. I can’t stop thinking about it all either. Thanks for the thoughts. :)

  17. lucinda December 17, 2012 at 9:41 am #

    Thanks for posting this, Kristin. It is healing to come to a blog and read exactly what you’re feeling – and to read those words of comfort in the lyrics of the hymn. I remember singing that song many times as a child, and now it is more relevant than ever. May God bring hope and healing from the ashes of devastation.

  18. carolyn December 17, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

    Thank you, Kristin, for writing so eloquently about what so many of us are feeling. I feel so saddened about the whole thing that I’m just left speechless. What’s happened is absolutely incomprehensible and my heart goes out to the many, many people affected by this tragedy – from the lives lost to the people whose world view has been shattered.

  19. Caila December 18, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

    What a beautiful prayer/song, Kristin! Thank you for sharing your heart.

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