confession sunday (on a saturday): a prayer

i’m beyond devastated at the news out of newtown, CT.  my heart hurts so badly i almost can’t stand it, and i’ve spent a good part of the last two days crying.  i fell asleep snuggled close to Em last night, letting myself feel safe and calm in her bed.  the Clackamas mall shooting hit very close to home, physically, and this now has hit very close to home for me emotionally.  i can’t help but imagine Em there – my sweet little gal that loves school so much, and has such a pure heart.  i can’t even comprehend the devastation of those families.

i also have a good amount of anger, both at the shooter(s) and at the fact that this keeps happening in America.  i don’t like being so angry.  i don’t think it’s helpful or productive, though i know it’s part of the grieving process.  and in times of grief and crisis, i often turn to prayer.  i don’t talk about my faith on my blog much – it’s a sewing blog, it exists to share the pretty and creative parts of my life.  i don’t talk about my faith much in real life either, frankly.  but today i wanted to share this prayer, which is a song i know from childhood.  it’s based on the prayer of st. francis and it speaks to my heart.  no matter your faith (or lack thereof), i hope you can interpret these words in a way that bring you peace and help you move forward as they’re currently helping me.

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring your love.
Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord,
And where there’s doubt, true faith in you.

Make me a channel of your peace.
Where there’s despair in life, let me bring hope.
Where there is darkness only light,
And where there’s sadness ever joy.

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek
So much to be consoled as to console.
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love with all my soul. 

Make me a channel of your peace.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
In giving of ourselves that we receive,
And in dying that we’re born to eternal life.

i will resume regular blogging sometime this week as i feel up to it.  we are postponing our film petit post by a few days, and it will be a fun one.  happy, positive, lovely things are all around us, it’s the holiday season, and life goes on.  but i couldn’t let this horrific event pass without you knowing it has hurt my heart so deeply and that what follows on this blog will be posted in an attempt to raise spirits, share joy, bring smiles, and give peace.  as always.

take care.

34 thoughts on “confession sunday (on a saturday): a prayer

  1. Celina says:

    Lovely post! Thank you. I haven’t stopped crying too… This one hit close to home, emotionally as you said, for some reason- maybe because we have kids that age, but it’s more than that, I just can’t seem to express what though. Let’s keep those good spirits up… Our families need and so do theirs.

    • kristin says:

      i think it broke some kind of barrier – shattered a feeling of safety that we had when our kids are away from us at school. that an adult would choose to do this to kids, so many kids, on purpose…it’s pure evil. it’s impossible to fathom.

    • kristin says:

      i agree completely. i’ve had MORE than enough of this. i’m fed up and i’m so ready to do something about it. i really hope this is the final straw to finally make some change in this country. we have lots of room for improvement on many different contributing factors. it’s long overdue.

  2. girllikethesea says:

    The tragedy brought the same feelings for me. Devastation, crying, anger. I started praying and found myself getting angry with god for not stopping this from happening. Some things are just too awful to dwell on, or look directly in the face.

  3. indywriter says:

    This has weighed heavily on my heart. My youngest is 7, the age of many of the victims. I don’t want to let her out of my sight.

    I find myself weeping one moment, then forgetting for a while. When I remember, I instantly feel guilty, thinking of all those families that don’t have that luxury. Why was it there and not where I live? Why am I so lucky to be able to hold and kiss my sweet girls, when other parents are planning a funeral? How can I tell my kids they are safe at school, when I can’t believe it anymore myself?

    How will God make good come from this? I find the lyrics to a Steven Curtis Chapman song stuck in my mind : Out of these ashes, Beauty will rise, We will dance among the ruins, We will see it with our own eyes. Out of these ashes, Beauty will rise. For we know joy is coming, In the morning.

    • kristin says:

      i feel the same way about my school-aged little gal, and i have the same topsy turvy emotional state. thank you for those beautiful song lyrics, too…hope is what we all cling to right now i think!

    • kristin says:

      thanks, cherie. now a little while later i’m surprised at myself for even posting the God part – i’m soooo not usually like that with the religious stuff. but i just can’t help but pray when my heart is broken and my mind is reeling. too ingrained in me i guess. ;)

  4. Jill says:

    Thanks for posting this. I have had such an emotional weekend, trying to process this, and not being able to comprehend something so horrific. I just want to hug my kids. Newtown is such a beautiful little place. During my New York years, my husband and I spent many holidays there and never in a million years could I have pictured something like this happening there (although it is unimaginable anywhere). My heart hurts for those families.

    • kristin says:

      from everything i’ve seen, it looks like a beautiful town indeed – a great place to raise kids! maybe that’s what makes it hit home all the more. it really could’ve happened anywhere. take care, jill, keep hugging those kids. they love it, i’m sure! :)

  5. lucinda says:

    Thanks for posting this, Kristin. It is healing to come to a blog and read exactly what you’re feeling – and to read those words of comfort in the lyrics of the hymn. I remember singing that song many times as a child, and now it is more relevant than ever. May God bring hope and healing from the ashes of devastation.

  6. carolyn says:

    Thank you, Kristin, for writing so eloquently about what so many of us are feeling. I feel so saddened about the whole thing that I’m just left speechless. What’s happened is absolutely incomprehensible and my heart goes out to the many, many people affected by this tragedy – from the lives lost to the people whose world view has been shattered.

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